I'm cold, from the bottom to my heart..

Today is my mum's birthday, before i start my blog today, let's wish my mum a very very Happy Birthday! I truly wish that she can be the happiest woman in this world forever.

Anyway, I was not by her side to celebrate her birthday. Therefore, i had my own story today.

Another busy day for me, went for college to attend two meetings. When i stepped inside the LRT, i felt so weird, everyone was staring on me. Why? was a girl that talking to phone looked weird? Or it highlighted that the girl was so lonely? i did not understand.

The journey became longer, i was forced to admit it. However, the destination still reached in the end.

Skipped the content of two meetings, i just wan to tell out my feeling. The both meetings were too bored to be shared at here. Before the second meeting ended (actually it took 5 hours), i was so impatient and could not wait for going back.

Outside was raining, I hate raining+thundering whenever I am alone. Rain was pouring down from the sky, like a huge waterfall as I could feel the pain when the raindrop hit my skin and head. I ran all the way from the bus station to get into the bus, I was the last one, therefore, i stood right in front the door, with a lot of sardins sticking on me.

The weather was so cold, somemore the aircond in the bus was very strong, there was nothing to keep me warm. Finally the bus reached, straight away trod on dirty water when i came down from the bus. Before get into LRT, i found out that my hand was so cold until it was numb when i tried to wave my hand to friend at opposite side. Again, the LRT was cold like usual, but I had no longer felt like how i do usually.

Everything became unsafe, I guess was the rainy day made me felt this way. I am super worried and frighten when there is thundering and lighting and raining heavily. I wish to get something else, but i found nothing, nothing at all besides my hp. I mean, the msg from my handphone. Nevertheless, it didn't help much.

When the LRT reached my place, I got down, but do not know what to do next. Outside was a downpour (plus thundering), I could not walk back with a small umbrella. Thus, i chosed to sit down and wait. I know i had repeated many times, the weather was so so cold. When the strong wind blowed, I could not help myself from shivering.

At last, I realized that I am not strong enough, both physiologically and psychologically. I keep telling myself, now is a start of a new year, should not I be more sturdy and independent? What am I looking for? A superman or superwoman to save me from this condition? It is raining, it is freezing, so what? You have an umbrella and two legs, stop waiting and get out from here now, by yourself!!

At the end, I walked back in heavy rain, alone. I was not looking for anything else. There is no such thing call "dream comes true" when you are depending on others. Ya I am stepping on muddy path, alone, in a rainy day, the path was so slippery, the thunders might strike on me anytime, so? This is the fact, what I need to do is overcoming it, not sitting there and waiting for an empty wish.

Do i think too much from the little incidents today? I'm cold, from the bottom to my heart, but it taught me a lesson too. It is time to be strong and independent. Don't ever expect how others would try hard to keep u warm, as the warmest place is in your heart.

*Perhaps I'm talking nonsense, just bear with me.