A new beginning or a sad ending?

I hv to apologize by being negative again, just indulge myself for one more moment cuz i m juz kind of person who like to think too much, especially sad thing. In chinese, it called 作贱。
Now in front of me is something tat i very very wish to own it,.with whole my heart. However, b4 i make the decision, I'd already think of the bad consequances. Yea i put " 's" bcoz i think more than one bad consesquence.
The higher I expect, I afraid that the higher i disappointed.
The more I care, the more I can't bear with the lost.
Yes and No have been fighting in my mind, every single moment, like angel and devil.
However, I still hv to be brave,
"It is through pain that we define ourselves, it is through hardship that we rise higher" -A. Asohan.
Gambateh for myself!!